Swearing in and moving to site!

Swearing in was a wonderful celebration and as overwhelming and exciting as I could have imagined. It was at the ambassador’s house which was very fancy and filled with amazing art. The ambassador, our country director, a representative from the Ugandan Ministry of Education, and then 3 of our cohort members all gave very wonderful speeches. Obviously tears were shed. This moment has been a long time coming and it was really powerful to realize it was finally happening. I know the next two years will be harder and more wonderful than I could ever imagine so for now I am just so thankful for all of the incredible people I’ve met, friends I’ve made, and opportunity I’ve been given. I am even more thankful for my friends and for my amazing family at home who have all been so encouraging and supportive. I know I did not get here on my own and I will never be able to adequately describe my gratitude with words.

So now I’m at my site! I have been here for exactly one week and it has been a ride. We left the day after swearing in so that was really overwhelming and emotional and then taking public transport with all of my luggage was a hilarious joke but I made it one piece! The taxi dropped me off in the big city close to my site called Masaka. In Masaka I met up with my supervisor and with a man named Dennis who has a car and who many Peace Corps Volunteers in the area use as a private hire. Dennis was wonderful and drove me around Masaka to buy my mattress and stove and other essentials. Then we drove the 40 minutes to Kabukunge.

The front of my house. Inside pictures to come

When I arrived at my site, my school provided me with a very nice bed so I spent Friday just settling in. Across the next couple of days I kept myself way too busy running back and forth to Masaka and then also to the closest town named Kalungu, which is about a 30 minute walk or 10 minute taxi ride. I know that nesting is important for my mental health while I am here but it is very difficult to nest when there isn’t a Walmart or Ikea down the road. So that was adjustment number one. So at the moment I have my bed and the school has given me some extra desks to put my stove on. I bought some plastic shelves and I am waiting for a carpenter to build some wood shelves for me.  I bought some fabric in Masaka and crafted my own curtains so I am getting settled in slowly but surely. I want to paint my house but paint is expensive and I know it will not be as easy a process as painting in America so I am taking a deep breath and just trying to slow down. I am telling myself that it’s okay that my house is not perfect, it is still home and I can still be happy.

So after my first few crazy days then I gave myself some time to slow down. The boyfriend of my site mate, Cody, showed me an awesome running path around the village that is about 2.5 miles so I’ve been doing that every day. It is a wonderful path that is very rural and safe and I’ve been introducing and saying hi to all of the people I pass. This place really is so beautiful and I promise to post all kinds of pictures once I feel comfortable bringing a camera with me.

My neighbor, Juliet, who is the wife of Okello, has been incredible and making me food and watching movies with me and helping me wash my house and my clothes. So while this place is wonderful and beautiful I am still hitting what I’ll call my second hard spot. My homesickness around the holidays was brief because once language training started again I could focus on other things. Being at site, things finally feel very real. The gravity of the fact that I moved across the world to Uganda has finally hit and I miss my family and my friends from America and peace corps so much. I’m very thankful Peace Corps held our hands across the past two months but now I know it is time to get out of the nest and they did it with a swift push. I went from seeing my cohort members everyday for 2 months to being on my own (my site mate has been away for training so I also know things will be different when she returns).

Juliet with her children Osped and Priscilla

it was Priscillas second birthday a few days ago so i made a no bake cake!

 I have always had a hard time transitioning places and I was terribly homesick my whole first year of college. My pattern usually goes that I wake up panicky but once I get up, get moving, and start doing things I shake off the panic and calm down. That has been the case this past week as I run errands and clean and then I walk up the hill to a primo sunset watching spot and remind myself that it is really awesome that I am here and that these next two years will be hard but they will be incredible and at the end I will love every minute, difficult and enjoyable, of this experience. My yoga instructor life inspiration Jessica Nason told me to “not waste an ounce” of this experience and I’m realizing that this hard transition is part of this experience.

So school starts on Monday and I am apprehensive about that as well. More than anything I am worried about if I will like my job or not. I worry that I will not really find my place at the school and worry that I won’t be successful. Then I read a quote yesterday that said, “Worrying is your brain imagining bad things. Make your brain imagine good things.” So yes, this quote is a little obvious but it definitely resonated with me. I’ve always been a worrier and even across these past two months, in one moment I will be thinking of what bad things can happen and then the next I’m beyond excited for all of the incredible things that are going to happen across the next two years. So in reality, I am just sitting in anticipation, which is excruciating. I know things will fall into place and I will find a routine and find my place and that I will find fulfillment but for now I am just waiting and so of course my brain is going to kick up into overdrive. So I’ve been trying to remind myself of that and enjoy the things in front of me like my runs, and the sunset, and finally having time to watch Gilmore Girls again after 2 months without.

So other interesting adjustments- creating understanding with the Ugandans I will be living with for the next two years. I live in the same row as the other primary school teachers. All of the ones that I have met grew up in a village which means poverty and limited education. Since Alaina, my site mate, has been here for a year, most of the teachers have a basic understanding of why I’m here and what I will do but I have still been asked many times “Why did you leave America when life there is so easy and wonderful?” That is a great question especially since I am struggling with the answer at the moment. So I tell them that I am very thankful for my life in America but I wanted to live in Uganda to help where I can and to learn about other people. The answer becomes that much more difficult because I do not want them to get the impression that I will be coming in to save, fix, and change everything. They have also seen all of the things I have bought for my house so I also do not want them to think that I have or will be giving money. So I have been saying that Peace Corps wants me to come in and help to teach and show ways that the school can improve and that hopefully one day the school improves so much that they no longer need peace corps volunteers to help. I know this understanding will grow but for now it is a little uncomfortable

So to summarize, training was wonderful and like summer camp but I knew this transition was coming. But I operate off the moto (also from the fabulous Jess Nason) that “this is hard, this is me growing.” I know my discomfort at the moment is coming from the challenges that are pushing me. I also know that I am capable and competent and I will grow. I know the hard times are inevitable and all I have to do every day is show up to world and say “here I am. Here is the best I can give today.” And so some days I might be sad or frustrated and but that many other days, like so many I’ve already had, I will be motivated and excited. Sometimes, like right now, two years feels like forever, but others I know the two years will feel like a blink of an eye. I know this place will become home. It is daunting but I know this is where I’m supposed to be.

Erinnya lyange nze Nampima. (My name is Nampima)

Ok I wrote this post 20 days ago but better late than never right??

Woa! Has it really almost been a month?!? What the heck?! Ok, I told myself I wouldn’t do the lengthy blog post but since it’s been so long, I will break my rule just this once! The next two weeks are going to be crazy but then I will be at my site and have more time to post more regularly (I hope!) So I’m sorry for the novel but I hope it’s enjoyable and not annoying or rambling!

So, catch up! Future site visit then Homestay! My future site visit went really well! I met my supervisor and some of my fellow teachers and got to stay at my house and have a tour of the school. I did not take many pictures for a couple of reasons. 1.) I will have two years there and will document the heck out of it once I get two minutes to breathe and 2.) my house looks a little like a prison at the moment. It is a very nice house with a big living room, a bedroom, and a room for cooking and bathing. But my walls are bare and a little dirty and I have no furniture so after I get a chance to nest and decorate I will take lots of pictures! I have electricity but no running water which is ok! I’m ready to really live in the village. So no running water means I walk behind my house to my pit latrine (outhouse with a hole in the ground) and I will walk about 5 minutes down the road to fetch my water. I will keep it in big cans at my house and use it to bucket bathe. Peace Corps gave us an amazing water filter so I don’t need to boil my drinking water. I will be buying a two-burner gas stove and a gas tank to cook with.

So my future site visit was a bit of a blur but I am very excited to work with my teachers and to work with my site mate Alaina. Alaina is a peace corps volunteer who has been in country for 1 year and works at the primary teacher college(PTC) that works with my primary school. She lives across the street from me and it was really wonderful to have her. She cooked me dinner and generally held my hand as I got to see everything for the first time. I am feeling self-conscious about how much I’m going to need her to hold my hand as I get adjusted to site but I know that it will come full circle when I am holding the hand of the newbie who replaces her this time next year. I am so excited to work with her and we had a few brief conversations about all of the projects we want to work on. My neighbors are my fellow primary school teachers. My counterpart is my one neighbor and she insists I call her Mama Rehema. My other neighbor is an amazing man named Okello. He is a teacher and has two very adorable young children. Okello’s wife was sick with malaria while I was visiting but that did not stop him from walking me all around the site and the village and showing me everything. He was so kind and I am feeling so thankful to have the opportunity to get to know him and work with him across the next two years.

So I didn’t really have much time to process that experience because before I knew it I was traveling 6 hours to my home stay. I had my first experience taking public transportation all by myself with all of my stuff! It wasn’t too bad but I did have to deal with the infuriating experience of sitting in a taxi for 1 hour and 45 minutes as we waited for the taxi to fill up. The taxis are called Mutatus and they are big 14 passenger vans so the drivers wont leave with empty taxis because that is money they are loosing. So I thought I gave myself plenty of time but waiting for the taxi meant I was late arriving to Mityana. Ugandans really run on no schedule and it is completely typical for events to start 2-3 hours late. I am not the most punctual person so this culture sounds like my best friend but in this moment I didn’t want to be late meeting my homestay family so I tried to tell myself that it was ok but I was still stressing out. I tried to bribe the taxi driver to leave with the taxi empty but he wanted twice as much money as I was willing to give so I had to be the stereotypical white-american, who Ugandans call Muzungu (more thoughts about the word muzungu to come in another post) and be impatient and stressed. But I still arrived in one piece and only an hour late.

It was so exciting to see my fellow trainees after being separated for a few days. Then I got to meet my family and I apologized to my host dad for being late and he said, “It’s okay! You’re in Uganda now!” and I knew I was at home. My host family is really the most wonderful. My host dad is a doctor and my host mom used to be a teacher. I have 8 host siblings who are all over the age of 16. My two oldest host siblings live on their own. My oldest host sister, Doreen, took great care of me the first two weeks and prepared breakfast for me and helped me wash my clothes. Then my second oldest host sister, Caro, lives in Denmark with her husband and baby. She moved to Denmark about 3 years ago and then she came to visit with her husband and baby for Christmas! It was wonderful to meet them. Her husband was very interesting to talk to and I hope to visit them in Denmark one day! My other host siblings are all still attending university for a variety of things from business to marketing to law to health and my youngest host brother is studying at the seminary. So needless to say, every member of my host family is so fascinating and they all speak wonderful English so I have not really been practicing my Luganda with them because I just want to hear everything they have to say. I know the point of living with a family is to practice the language but I spend 8-5 every day practicing language so I tell myself it’s okay to take a break when I get home. My host mom, who we call Madame, is a phenomenal cook so I have been eating like a queen. I am also getting spoiled because, unlike my future site, my homestay house has electricity, tv, a western toilet (not a pit latrine), and a shower with warm water. I am savoring every moment. I am so thankful I am building such a wonderful relationship with my family because I know I can come back to visit whenever and enjoy a taste of fancy living.

So like I said and I will say it again, my family is so wonderful! My host parents are very open and share their thoughts about many topics. About 30 years ago, my host parents opened a primary school that was very successful for a couple of decades. My host mom taught and even got a group of students to the national dance competition where the won 4^th place! But then in a very short time span, my host mom lost her mom to cancer and then lost many of her siblings to HIV. My host mom got terribly depressed and they had to end up selling the school. I am just so amazed by her that she first opened and ran a school but then has the courage to talk about such devastating loss. My host parents are knowledgeable about HIV but we still haven’t talked much about what to do to continue bringing down the HIV rate. Many Ugandans seem to have this attitude of “It is horrible this is happening, but there isn’t much we can do about it.” My host parents push to get HIV treatment to who ever needs it but I haven’t heard them talk much about condom use. Uganda has had a huge influx of Christian missionaries and I know these missionaries are preaching abstinence. I asked my host brother what his biggest complaints about Uganda were and he said education and corruption. I asked about HIV and he said, “HIV isn’t a complaint because it’s just a way of life. It’s everywhere.” I told him about America’s HIV epidemic and how it was handled but then my brother brought up the very valid point that since education is so poor in Uganda and so many people still live in rural villages it will be very difficult.

This led me to the one of my most prominent contemplations and concerns about the next two years. I know that I could get to the end of my two years, have given everything I have, and everything could be exactly the same. I know I cannot change this whole country no matter how badly I want to. If I let myself become overwhelmed with frustration, then I will fail and fall apart. So where is the balance between acceptance and apathy? I do not want to get to the end of my service and be hardened and jaded and have the attitude of “well that is what is, nothing I can do.” I want to find the sweet spot of acknowledging what is out of my control while still pouring myself fully into the relationships I am building. I think the best advice I have heard from volunteers is that this experience is not about changing the world. It is about building relationships and inspiring and encouraging the children you are working with.

The holidays were bumpy to get through emotionally. When Christmas rolled around it was the first time I really wanted to be in America instead of Uganda. It was the first time I had the mental space so I had the thoughts of “Why on earth did I come here? I know I wanted to push myself and to grow and learn and to help, but I could have done all of those things in America. I didn’t have to come to Uganda. I could have moved across the country and then be home for the holidays. It would be so much easier.” Ding! Ding! Ding! It would have been easier. And I didn’t come here because it was going to be easy. I wanted a challenge. There is no way I can anticipate how far out of my comfort zone I’m going to be pushed but the further out of my comfort zone, the more I am growing so bring it on. I guess making it 6 weeks without an existential crisis is something to be proud of but I feel like the flood gates have been opened and I know so many bigger challenges are coming my way and I’m ready!

But as far as the holidays go, I was really missing my family, cold weather, and Christmas cookies. So I skyped with home and that was really nice and then obviously my Ugandan family made me feel most welcome. Ugandan Christmas is filled with food and drinking and dancing so it was a very fun day.  On Christmas day, my host brothers disappeared for twenty minutes then returned with a pine tree that they put into a bucket of water. That’s one way to cut your own Christmas tree! My host sister who was visiting from Denmark brought candy canes so we decorated the tree with those. Then on New Years Eve, we drank and danced and then at midnight everyone brings out their Christmas trees and burns them. On Christmas my host dad gave me my Ugandan name, Nampima. It means “very pretty girl” and it was the name of my host dad’s favorite aunt so I feel very honored. Ugandans still hold onto an identity of a clan so I am part of the empewo, or antelope clan. There are 52 clans in the central region of Uganda and so you cannot marry anyone in your mother or father’s clan and then you pass your clan to your child. Most of the clans are animals so I can no longer eat antelope. Drat. It has been great to tell Ugandans that my name is Nampima. Even in random markets or stores I get treated with just a touch more respect.

I exchanged some American culture this weekend with my family! My host mom taught my fellow language group members and me how to make chipatis (delicious flour tortillas from heaven) and so we made tacos and fajitas! Then on Sunday I made my family French toast and we had a Sunday brunch. Both were big successes! Then I received a package with legos in it from the one and only Papa Holland so I showed them to my host niece and nephews who are 11, 9, and 4 years old. My host mom was sitting on the couch, policing the play at first and then within 5 minutes was on the floor playing with us. My host niece and nephews have also enjoyed bananagrams and go fish and I’ve really enjoyed spending time with them. I have been exercising to the T25 videos in the morning and one morning last week I was leaving to go to school and my youngest host nephew who is 4 looked at me and said, “Whats wrong with your face? Why is it so red?” And I replied, “Because I was exercising and my muzungu face gets red!” So on Sunday, my host nephew exercised with me while my host siblings and my host aunt laughed away. It was too much fun.

my nephews playing legos!

My host mom and host nephew making chipatis with Annie

My host nephew, Darren, with the new puppies

My host mom and nephew playing leggos

My host mom, Regina. Such an amazing woman

my host dad

the yard at my host house

The front of my homestay house

my amazing host parents at our goodbye ceremony

my host nephews- i'm going to miss them!

The most amazing language group with our amazing language trainers

So the holidays really made things crazy but now things have calmed down and we have been cramming the language. Learning has been going really well. I am picking it up but also having to accept that there is only so much we can learn in a month. I plan to really commit to learning the language at my site and I even used some in the market in Mityana the other day and could actually bargain with the vendors and not get totally outrageous Muzungu prices! So this week we finish language training then next weekend we move back to Kampala, have a few more days of sessions to get ready to move to site and then we swear in as actual volunteers! Our swearing in ceremony is at the ambassadors house so it should be very fancy!!